is wine microwaveable?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
