You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
