this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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