guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
