We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
