Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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