The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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