So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
