A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
