The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
