I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
