"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize