Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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