sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Houston, we have a blender
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
