I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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