it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
