You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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