Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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