Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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