not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
