when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
