it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
