I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
