i barfeds in our rink
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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