Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish my penis had an off switch
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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