Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize