So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
