About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
