I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize