Betty ford says i'm here all night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
