remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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