the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
