He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I party with great urgency now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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