Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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