my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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