I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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