I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
