I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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