Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
