can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
