Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
