He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize