I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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