If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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