i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
