Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
