Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize