I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
