i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
