Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
