i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I look better un-naked...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
