Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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