If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
