A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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