did you get engaged???
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
