on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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