Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why didn't you poke me back
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
