Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
