my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
