omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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