you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
