Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
