my phone needs a breathalizer
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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