i love accidental penises.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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