I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
