new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
