I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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