Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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