I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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