Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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