there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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