it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize