i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
