i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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