Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
